Collaborating With Your Best Friend: The Ups & Downs

January 28, 2025 | By Maya Malan-Gonzalez

I met my best friend through my work. We have known each other for 12 years, having originally met at a conference. A year later I reached out to her for a job and before I knew it I had joined her company, Teatro Luna. 

Our relationship began like any other actor and director. I auditioned for a gig, in this case it was a tour- an international tour! I booked the gig, went to rehearsals, she directed and gave notes, the tour launched and on the road we all went. 

I remember the exact moment I knew we were going to be in each other’s lives for a long time. It was about midway through the tour, while we were still in the states, the group loved me so much that they invited me to be an associate member of the ensemble. But as we got to Scotland tensions began to rise within the group. I don’t remember the exact issue at the moment, but Alex came into my room after a group conflict to talk and debrief. In that conversation she expressed how she still hoped I wanted to stay with the company after the tour. My response, “duh”.

Conflict happens.

Weighing the good times from the bad, there was no question for me if I wanted to keep working with the company under Alex’s leadership. She’s a great director, I love how she gives me notes, she has a knack for inspiring and leading others, she’s fun to be around, and I have the best time making her laugh and laughing with her. 

She also has a really good memory, so I’m sure she would have a million clarifications for this recounting, but the point is, somewhere in that conversation, I remember looking at her. Really seeing her- not as my boss, but as a beautiful person- a person who can be both vulnerable and also strong and that was the moment I knew we were going to be close. 

So that’s how it started- but the real meat is in how it’s continued.

Meaning, it’s far easier to make friends than to keep friends. 

I measure a true friendship- any true relationship by how you have weather the bad days together. 

How you handle Conflict.

Alex and I have had some bad days. 

We’ve had some fights.

Hell, we’ve had some tough seasons. 

2018 was a tough season. 

We spent months rehearsing a show, I was also planning my wedding with Alex as my maid of honor, and we inherited a theatrical space a couple of doors down from our current studio from Casa 0101. While in the new space we completely changed direction from the show we had been rehearsing and ended up creating a whole new amazing show, The Times. 

The Times was my first show in which I really played a major role on the devising team. And when you’re a lead divisor, you put so much of yourself in the work, it becomes very personal. We had the schedule for the rehearsals and performances laid out, but I already had a conflict with the final weekend of performances. I was scheduled to go to Portland at that time to direct a workshop of my play, A Xmas Cuento Remix. So in making the schedule we knew I needed an understudy for the final weekend. 

Our first bump in the road came during a rehearsal. 

Well, technically it was before a rehearsal… 

This is NOT a recounting of who did what, who said what, who was right and who was wrong. This is not an “Am I the asshole” post, so chill out if you’re looking for a public bashing.

The skinny is….

A note was given by Alex to me. A Note.

The thing I said earlier, I love how she gives me. But in this case, on this day, before rehearsal officially begun, the music was loud so voices were raised to go over the music, tensions are high and next thing you know there is yelling, there are deep feelings of disrespect, the question of creating a show with someone who is not available for the final weekend comes up, and finally the suggestion: that maybe it’s better if I am not in the show. 

I leave the studio, but I don’t quite go to my car, I just stand on the sidewalk stupidly processing what just exploded. My head is swirling with questions: Am I really not in the show anymore? How does that affect how I show up in the company? Did I just lose my best friend? 

A fellow ensemble member in the show, Christin, expresses her feelings to those in the studio that even with me being gone the last weekend of performances, she still thinks I should stay in the process. 

Meanwhile I’m still standing on the sidewalk just past the door figuring out what to do when I get a call on my phone from Alex, telling me to come back.

Good thing I didn’t go too far.

I don’t even know what we did after that, if we rehearsed or probably took a moment to smoke a bowl and clear the air- and with time it became a moment that we can look back with kinder eyes and even laugh. 

From that moment forward creating The Times was a transformational experience. We were athletes for this show. We poured all of ourselves into it and I look back at those rehearsals with so much joy and pride. 

Through all the sweat and tears we finally made it to performances and things were going great until…

It’s Saturday November 24

It’s my last weekend performing before I leave town and my understudy goes on. We’ve got a 2-show day today. And our evening show is sold out! 

The studio we were in at the time had shelves and a curtain arranged to create the backstage area. 

In order to avoid constantly pushing the curtain out of the way again and again when you’re going back and forth before the audience shows up, we would toss the curtain over this shelving unit to make things easier. 

At one point, the curtain was like half up/ half down- I’m in my very cool costume, which consists of these gray tight athletic shorts, a sexy black sports bra and big black knee pads- still one of my absolute favorite costumes- I’m heading backstage and I push the curtain aside to pass by. 

On top of the shelf the curtain is on, is this post card holder- like you would see at a gift shop, the kind of display that spins around, with a cast iron base. The curtain had caught on to the post card holder, so as I’m pushing back the curtain to enter the space, I feel this BONK on the top of my head and my left hand instantly like a magnet is pulled to the place I was bonked holding my head. Backstage is a fellow performer, Jenny and the stage manager, Amy. They see it happen and there is a shared moment of shock- and then a moment of, “holy shit are you ok?”

I laugh at how ridiculous that moment was and say, “yeah, I'm not bleeding am I?”

I turn around to look at my reflection in a mirror behind me, remove my hand from my head and the laughter in me instantly stops. My hand is covered in blood.

Blood is pouring out of my head.

It’s scary to see yourself with blood dripping down your face like a fucking horror movie scene. My eyes well with tears from the shock and fear- but oh shit, I can't get blood on my costume!

Everyone in the studio is in “OH SHIT” mode. Nobody cares about the costume but me. Alex is out in the front setting up hearing all the chaos, it’s too crowded backstage so she is trying to get me to come out and sit down so she can assess the situation.

My stance is I’m ok. 

Adrenaline is coursing through my body- so I figure after I bleed for a bit, I’ll clean up and everything will be fine.

But everyone in the room is talking about me going to the emergency room. 

And obviously we are canceling the show. 

My response- LIKE HELL WE’RE CANCELING THE SHOW! 

The show must freaking go on- ok! On top of that we have friends coming and we’re sold out tonight and I cannot let everyone down because of a stupid post card holder. I will not be the reason we cancel.

I straight up refuse to go to the ER if it means canceling the show. I’ve got tears and I’m basically like a child having a tantrum. I am a fucking resilient and stubborn woman. 

I reference back to a time when Alex practically cut off the tip of her finger on the first day of a weekend retreat and finished the retreat using said finger to cover photography for the weekend, as a point in saying if my girl can get through that I can do a couple of shows with a gash on my head. Alex responds back by saying her cut was on her finger, not her head and if it was as bad as mine and on her head, she would have gone. Damn, this woman always has good points and stays calm in a time of crisis, something I actually really love about her- but right now I am not interested in hearing it!

Minutes are ticking by and we are getting closer to showtime.

Someone has looked up on their phone that Downtown Urgent care is 8 minutes away. 

I dig my stubborn heels in the ground- I WILL NOT go anywhere unless Alex promises we aren’t canceling the show today- either of them! 

Alex and I are standing off… again.

This time the conflict is purely my stubbornness. You could say, I am the asshole right now.

If this had happened back on my first tour with Luna, I know Alex would have canceled the show and the conversation between us would have been very short. 

But we had been through waaaay too much to go back to the basic actor- director relationship.

I was one of the creators of this show. I was with Alex when we made the decision to get the studio. I was invested in Luna in a much deeper way.

Alex relents- because she just wants to get me to the doctor. 
The plan:

Alex and I finding the giggles while we await my fate.

We’ll go to Urgent Care. Christin and whoever else was there were going to stall the audience with free coffee.

We get to Urgent care and there's only a couple of people in the waiting room, so there’s hope this won't take too long. We get called into the doctor's office, Alex comes back with me for emotional support. I explain to the doctor what happened and how I just need a little glue so I can be on my way, because I got a freaking show to do. He looks at the gash on my head and says, “you’re gonna need staples.” 

This is genuinely surprising to me. 

I really thought I was just going to need a little glue. I didn’t even think I was going to need stitches. And this man is saying staples. Fuck. I finally realize how wrong I was about the situation. I’m incapable of admitting this in the moment, but Alex was right to get me here.

My body has adrenaline coursing through it, so I haven’t been feeling the pain. But when the doctor puts the needle for the Novocain in- I release a high pitched yelp each time that big needle stabs my head and Alex jumps in her seat as her mirror neurons are engaged. 

Now for the staples.

7 staples, which when you’ve had a bunch of novacane just feels like a dull pressure on your head. 

The sound of the staple gun has a loud impact. With each staple I see Alex shudder. She’s trying so hard to be strong for me, but I see the impact and worry this has on her.

After they’ve finished patching me up the doctor asks about the show I’m about to go do. 

My response, yeah it’s kind of physical.

Alex, as is in her nature, jumps in, “kind of?! It’s very physical”

I’m like “yeah, yeah, yeah- I’ll take it easy, I promise- but we’re good to go?”

He gives me the green light.

Time to go do a show!!!

We return to the studio and our audience has been waiting patiently. 

I head backstage and I may or may not have smoked a bowl, because that was a whole ass experience and I just need a second. Okay!?

And so begins the show.

Now when I said it wasn’t very physical- I lied. 

It’s a very physical show. It starts with dancing and jumping, we climb on each other, dog pile each other, there are hand stands and wall flips- and I’m making adjustments in the show, skipping this- shifting that. Before we get to a tumble, I hear Alex from the dark audience “don’t do it!”  

All and all, the show is a hit. We finish the matinee, everyone had a great time. I smoke a lot more, because now the adrenaline is starting to shift and I am becoming aware of the pain that goes with a gash in your head and seven staples.

We do the second show- it’s a packed house, standing ovation- every actor’s joy. 

The next day we sage the studio.

I cautiously head backstage and see the base of the postcard display is still on the ground. I go to pick it up and y’all, it’s heavy. It’s cast iron and it’s actually really really heavy. 

Alex comes to check it out. She is also shocked when she holds it and feels the weight. We are both thinking the same thing, 

This could have easily crushed my head. 

I take that base out of our space and chuck it into the dumpster. 

I’m sure there are a ton of opinions on how we went about this totally wrong. And how I should have listened to reason and let go of the shows

But what I know is, Alex took care of me that day. All of me, not just the gash on my head, but my spirit.

She knew and understood how much it meant for me to do the show. My best friend had my back and did what she could to take care of me. She made sure I was heard. She let me drive the metaphorical car. She knows me well enough to know what I am capable of. She stayed with me the whole time. Even when she was technically sitting in the audience, she was right by me… also kinda because our studio is small- but really I mean on a deeper level, she was there with me. 

The rough times that we have gone through together have tested us and we have discovered that we are two resilient stubborn women. We have faced off, and we have held each other through our personal and professional hardships. And most importantly we help each other grow. 

So maybe working with your best friend is a lot of work.

And it’s very possible/ pretty likely the professional and the personal will get messy. Your friendship will be tested. And if that scares you, collaborating with your best friend is probably not for you. 

But for me, I think I won the collaborator-best friend lottery.